Visioning

The prompt today was to create a picture that answers the question:

“If you could be anywhere right now, where would you want to be?”

The words of Dorothy Gale in the Wizard of Oz immediately popped into my head…“if I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn’t there, I never really lost it to begin with! Is that right?”

I decided that where I wanted to be was very much in my own back yard with the pool opened and clean, a lovely stone pergola built and ready for guests, and a thriving raised bed garden growing away.

It has been a desire of Downtown Dad’s and mine to plant a garden for a long time now.  So when we finally figured out the perfect spot, and bought all the supplies, we were itching to get started!  But time, and Mother Nature have conspired against us with snow until May first, then pouring rain, every weekend since then.  I put together this collage, starting with our pool, and adding pictures from my Pinterest board, then I stuck it up on the fridge in hopes that this “vision” would help activate the law of attraction for me!

I must say, the weather is not promising today either, but we have three glorious days in a row to make our dream a reality!

Get Unstuck. Make Something Every Day

Around Mother’s Day, I was remembering my own mother’s advice to me whenever I said those dreaded words “I’m bored,” or “I’m sad.”

She always said that the best way to feel better about yourself, or feel your self worth is to make something.  And by something she meant ANYTHING!

• make a cake;
• make a dress;
• make an appointment;
• make a list;
• make a wish;
• make a mess!

She would rattle off a list that was so diverse, that instead of being bored, I’d be overwhelmed with the possibilities!

In my search for blog post motivation that would involve making something, I  found the website Make Something 365 and Get Unstuck - made to order right?  The only thing is, I wanted to do it more digital, and writing based, rather than fill up a paper journal.  So I found another website Kikki K’s, where she has 365 journal prompts that center on making something. I figure I can use my problem solving brain to figure a way to modify the prompts for my blog, and if I can’t, I can write about the experience of doing it.  Either way, I make an effort, and that’s something!

So, here is my first piece…  The instruction was to write my name down the left-hand side of the page, like you would for an acrostic poem; then next to each letter write a positive attribute describing myself that begins with that letter. Being a font fanatic, I chose some fun letters and tried, (using the limited fonts on my work computer) to match it the best I could for the attributes.  I also gave myself the added rule of the attributes being a two word alliteration.

Release. Sometimes you just have to walk away.

It is finally Spring here in Minnesota.  This long weekend, after a long cold winter, I’m really hoping to plant a garden, maybe write a little bit, but before I can do that I need to do some Spring cleaning – both physically and spiritually.  I know that clutter in my home blocks certain types of energy, just as clutter in my spirit has blocked my sense of humor and my ability to write. This spiritual clutter stems from a conflict within my family which even if forgiven, will  never be forgotten, and thus needs to be released.

First, lets get one thing straight – I hate conflict.  I hate it so much that my fiction writing suffers. I’m so intent on conflict avoidance, that every time one of my carefully crafted villain characters approaches my hero with a dastardly plot twist, they end up sitting down to coffee and working things out amicably. This is great for world peace, not so much for creating dramatic tension. Conflict avoidance is my super-power. A few years ago, my husband’s sister and mother, from their perch in the hills of Missouri, decided that they had had enough of our little Minnesota branch of the family’s liberal ideology and beliefs. So they sat down and put their bigoted and hurtful thoughts in writing, then mailed them to our house, along with a copy of a Glenn Beck book.  Both letters were a ‘my-way-or-the-highway’ ultimatum.  Blaming and shaming us for choices and beliefs that were different than theirs, leaving neither room for discussion, or rebuttal.

So many things run through your head when your family literally chooses to support a political view, over accepting you.  What would you do? You’d want to yell and say unkind things right back at them. You’d want to lash out and confront them.  You ask yourself, am I letting myself down when I don’t react to their nasty comments?  Would I be seen as a bully if I said out loud what I was thinking inside?  Am I weak when I say nothing and let others get away with saying hurtful things? Their aim, I think, besides just to bully us, was somehow to convince us to become more like them.  Yeah right, like that was ever going to happen.

I’ve learned that when someone uses mean and hurtful words, you have to remember they’re deeply wounded themselves. They were either treated that way as a child or they’re using nasty words as a defense mechanism, a personal shield to protect them from feeling their own pain. The truth is, people who routinely make nasty comments are usually so unsure of themselves that they tend to attempt to elevate themselves by putting others down. The one thing that came through loud and clear was that they didn’t want to have any more to do with us. OK! Fine with me! Easily done, and to be honest, a relief for me and my children. I welcome ideologic and cultural variety in all people, but always choose NOT to assoicate with anyone who is negative, angry or beligerent.  These two women were all of that and more. But they are Downtown Dad’s family, and while he was more than happy to be rid of his toxic sister, cutting off contact with his mother was going to be more difficult. He patiently waited out his anger and hurt, and had just recently re-established short but civil conversations with his mother, when she suddenly passed away.

This turn of events and our decision to stay away from the memorial, served to open up another volley of passive aggressive emails from his sister.  Our reaction to this was the same as our original reaction – take the high road, turn the other cheek, ignore the attack, and above all avoid conflict. Although if you’ve ever read this blog, you know what I really wanted to do was fire back with verbal guns a-blazing. But, I realized that if I did that, I’d be stooping to her abusive level, bullying, exactly as she’d done to us. Realizing that fact though, did little to stop the angry voices in my head.  So, that’s what this post is about.  I have said what I wanted to say.  I have brought this dirty piece of business into the light, and by doing so have swept a large piece of negativity out of my life.

I write this today because it is Spring, and with this season of renewing and refreshing comes Spring cleaning, both physical and spiritual. Just as I sweep away the dirt from my home, I’ve decided to sweep away the unnecessary negative influences that affect my heart and mind.

When things get tough, this is what you should do: Make good art. I’m serious. Husband runs off with a politician – make good art. Leg crushed and then eaten by a mutated boa constrictor – make good art. IRS on your trail – make good art. Cat exploded – make good art. Someone on the Internet thinks what you’re doing is stupid or evil or it’s all been done before – make good art. Probably things will work out somehow, eventually time will take the sting away, and that doesn’t even matter. Do what only you can do best: Make good art. Make it on the bad days, make it on the good days, too.  –Neil Gaiman

This is not a blog post

I’ve been stuck.

I have been stuck in a box.

I’ve been stuck in a box with strict rules that must not be broken.

…and the sad thing is that I made this box.

Wait.

Let me change that.

I am struggling to escape this chrysalis – and will emerge creative and colorful!

 

Practical Magic

There’s something about a circle of women drawn together by a common interest that is really powerful – almost magical.

We women have a need to connect, and whether it is because of a hobby, or something more practical like helping people, or just to network with others in a similar stage of life, we tend to gravitate into groups to communicate. But it doesn’t have to be a physical group. More often than not, these bonds can be digital as well. Through blogs and Facebook, I’ve found a number of groups of women where I am very comfortable. Honestly, and I don’t think I’m alone in thinking this, for most of us, it doesn’t take much, and it doesn’t take long to connect. It’s like we can sense a bit of the others’ soul through each other’s writing, though we’ve never met in the literal sense. Sometimes these “invisible” alliances are just about friendship and sharing stories, but sometimes, under the right circumstances these collaborations can have far reaching effects.

I live in Minnesota, smack dab in the middle of the country, but my son Jarrod goes to college on the east coast in the Washington DC area. About a year ago he met and started dating Mallory, who hails from Portland, Oregon. The two of them have been as inclusive as they can be in getting to know each other, and their families, considering the distances involved. We’ve found social media to be very helpful in this, as I have become Facebook friends with Mallory and because of that, with her mother, Taryn. Though we haven’t met yet, I liked her right away, and we seem to have a lot in common – besides our children.

A couple of months ago, I read a post by my friend Heather from Seattle, one of the bloggers in my circle of women, whom I have never met in person. She shared a plea from Ri-Len, a friend of hers who was looking for volunteers for a Habitat for Humanity Women Build project in Portland, Oregon. Having worked on Habitat projects before, I could relate to this cause, and because of my trust in Heather, who shared the story, even though I didn’t know Ri-Len, I felt a kinship, and wanted to help.

Luckily, through my new virtual relationship with Taryn, I had a connection in the Portland area, so I took a chance and shared the post with her. I didn’t get a response or any feedback, so I just assumed she was too busy or not interested….

This weekend, that assumption was blown sky high. I received a lovely private message from Taryn, wanting to thank me. It seems she and her other daughter had been looking for some kind of creative outlet that could also help others. The Women Build near them was perfect, but it was also something they would have never considered if I hadn’t brought it to their attention. She, her daughter, and some other women were on their way to work some practical magic in the form of painting the interior of a home built by women they had never met, that would soon belong to a woman and her daughter they also had never met.

It strikes me that this opportunity, set in motion by someone I probably wouldn’t know if I ran into her on the street, touched people on both coasts and in between, and traveled solely through channels of women’s trust, and the need to make a difference. The message communicated to similarly un-introduced women, ultimately ended in a collaboration that will provide shelter and safety to a mother and daughter, neither of which any of us will ever likely meet in person.  If that’s not magic, I don’t know what is!

Thanks to these otherwise unrelated total strangers, here is an example, on a small scale, of the supernatural power that happens when women lock arms and hearts, and trust our instincts – physically as well as virtually.

Have you ever made a virtual connection for the good of others?

What is Aging Gracefully?

It’s a strange concept to think about the aging process and how to do it well. I mean is there a right way and a wrong way? Do we have a choice? What does aging gracefully mean? What’s the alternative, aging awkwardly?

If you’re going to age gracefully, it seems to me that you’d have to have been doing it all along, at all stages of growing, not just when mortality started to stare you in the face. I think that aging, gracefully or otherwise, is simply the culmination of all of your life experiences. You become what you believe, as a result of the choices you’ve made, the lessons you’ve learned, and what you’ve experienced along your life path. So maybe aging gracefully isn’t so mysterious after all. Maybe it is the lifelong choice to recognize and accept and be happy with the outcome of all your life choices.

If aging gracefully is a choice, you need to start choosing it early in life, and truly like who you are at all phases, the challenging, the awkward, and the beautiful. You have to like the face that stares back at you from the mirror, but more than that, you have to like the person behind the face. I think the graceful part of aging is truly appreciating who you are and the gifts that you have, while accepting your wrinkles, and weaknesses as badges of honor for the battles you’ve won and lost.

Aging is a lifelong experience. Doing it gracefully is learning to be grateful for all that you have learned, and all that you have lost, and all that you have gained. It means living each day realizing that you are a unique individual and that the people in your life deserve to see the best person you can be at any age.

Aging gracefully is being happy in your own skin and knowing that in this one moment in time, you are beautiful purely because you are you.

This post on aging gracefully is part of the GenFab monthly blog hop. GenerationFabulous.com is a brand spankin’ new web site that features bloggers like me who are Fabulous and of course, age gracefully!

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