60 Degrees Above Zero
- Californians turn on the heat.
- People in North Dakota plant gardens.
50 Degrees Above Zero
- Californians shiver uncontrollably.
- People in Fargo sunbathe.
40 Degrees Above Zero
- Italian and English made cars won’t start.
- People in Minnesota drive with the windows down.
32 Degrees Above Zero
- Distilled water freezes.
- The water in Fargo/Moorhead gets thicker.
20 Degrees Above Zero
- Californians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and wool hats.
- People in Minnesota throw on a flannel shirt.
15 Degrees Above Zero
- New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
- People in North Dakota have the last cookout before it gets cold.
- People in Miami all die.
- Iowans close the windows.
5 Degrees BELOW Zero
- Californians fly away to Mexico.
- People in Minnesota get out their winter coats.
10 Degrees BELOW Zero
- Hollywood disintegrates.
- The Girl Scouts in North Dakota are selling cookies door to door.
20 Degrees BELOW Zero
- Washington DC runs out of hot air.
- People in Minnesota let the dogs sleep indoors.
30 Degrees BELOW Zero
- Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
- People in Fargo get upset because they can’t start the minivan.
40 Degrees BELOW Zero
- Atomic motion slows down.
- People in Fargo/Moorhead start saying “So, is it cold enough for ya?”
50 Degrees BELOW… (Bee FREAKIN’ LOW) ZERO!
- Hell freezes over.
- Fargo Public Schools open 2 hours late. (maybe)