Note To Self… regarding appropriate timing of crawling as a choice in ambulatory process: While ‘crutching’ has been proven effective yet tiresome, and ‘hopping’ has been proven to cause leaks, crawling has emerged as the form of transportation of choice. Having said that, there are times and situations where it may be prudent to use one of the remaining other options… such as when the UPS man delivers a package – (one must know at this point that I have a completely clear glass front door.) Never mind the embarassing encounter as the UPS guy tries to open my front door with his muscular forearm as I try to pull myself to a standing position, lose hold of the bannister and basically fall at his feet. Rather, focus solely on the fact that my son arrives home at around the same time and has this day, decided to bring with him, three of his friends, whom, upon seeing said brown shorts clad man apparently molesting his mother at the front door, run screaming adolescent obscenities at aforementioned male, who then, in self defense, turns on my pack of defenders with his apparently patented karate moves.
You can’t make this shit up!