I don’t generally watch scary movies. Back in the 70’s The Exorcist nearly did me in… couldn’t sleep with the light off for weeks, and I shared a room with my sister, so it nearly did her in too. Although, truth be told, she was really the one that scared me. When she slept, she cleared her throat by making a gutteral sucking sound with her lips closed… try it… I know you want to…. yeah, that’s it, scary huh? The scary thing is that I have a dog that makes that same sound, I guess I’ve learned to live with it now.
I’ve made a few attempts in the years since, to watch scary things every now and then, but I tend to stay away, only once in a while attempting a Stephen King event every now and then, but never by myself!
This evening, as I was ironing in the basement, watching… something… Tessie and her girlfriend were getting ready to go to a Halloween party. They were ready early and came downstairs to watch TV while they waited…
“Oh look mom, IT is just starting!”
“No, you guys, I don’t like scary movies – go watch it upstairs.”
“Aw c’mon mom, it’s not scary – it’s only Stephen King.”
Oh, Stephen King… compared to Saw, and Hellraiser and whatever else is on today – Stephen King is like vanilla pudding!
So, as I’m ironing, and as the characters in the movie keep finding out that it’s not so scary when you have other people around….the people in my house keep leaving. Pretty soon, the last one, my rock, my safe haven, Downtown Dad yells down the stairs, “I’m going to take Bear to the party, be back soon….”
I’m alone. And I’m in the basement watching a scary movie. And I can’t stop. Every time there’s a commercial I take my freshly ironed clothes upstairs and put them all away and then I go back down with every intention of turning off the TV or at least changing the channel, but no… it just sucks me right back in again. Spiders, Evil Clowns, dripping sewer castle buildings….
Well, true to form, Mr. Scary Vanilla Pudding King, really does keep you going right up until the end. The end in this case features John Boy and Olivia Hussey (Oh Olivia, have your Shakespearian talents fallen so far from Juliet to this?) straddling a bicycle in the middle of traffic.
I’m a little creeped out but, the flatness of the ending has eased my fears. I turn off the lights and head upstairs….when, the dog, starts to clear his throat by making that gutteral sucking sound……