I have a confession to make – I have magical powers. But, as Rumplestiltskin on ABC’s Once Upon A Time is always reminding us – All magic comes with a price. My price? Like Rumple/Mr. Gold, I might just be a little bit crazy.
You see, I can foretell the future. Not global events. Not even local events. And not for or about any one else. No, it’s pretty much limited to my future. And even more specifically, to my future relationships.
It all started at the beginning of 9th grade. I had developed a huge crush on this James Dean-esque guy in my 2nd period history class. I needed to know if the feeling was mutual – you know, not by actually talking to him or anything. That would have been social suicide! No, I had to have a more definate answer. So I consulted the all knowing, mystic oracle of the time – AM Radio.
The next morning, I climbed into the passenger seat of my mother’s 1972 Toyota Corolla, and on the way to school, I squeezed my eyes shut and silently mouthed the ancient incantation I had just made up: “The next song that comes on the radio will tell me how (enter the name of current crush) feels about me.” It was Baby I’m-a Want You, by Bread. Could there be a clearer sign?
And sure enough, when he
arrived on a white horse shambled in to 2nd period history, eagerly 6 minutes late, and strategically chose a seat sat directly across from me, in the only seat left in the circle of desks, our eyes met! And all through the class, each of the 7 million times I looked at him, he was looking back at me. If that was not proof positive that he Baby I’m-a Wanted ME, I don’t know what was!
Well that relationship lasted about as long as David Gates’ song lasted in the top 10. In fact, sadly, I knew it was over before the breakup actually happened. Once again, I consulted the oracle. When I heard The Guess Who wailing, American Woman, get away from me-eeee, I knew it was the death knell.
After that, I was mad with the power I drew from my song magic. Every time some lovesick crooner swore I was all they needed, or that it was great while it lasted, or that they would love me til the end of time, or the end of time couldn’t come soon enough, I knew it was the Universe showing me a very clear path.
Even when AM radio gave way to MTV, the magic stayed with me. Grace Slick was adamant, telling me very clearly that the guy I liked who worked in the adjoining office, was also crushing on me. And a couple of years later, when that guy from the adjoining office and I were about to tie the knot, Rick Astley confirmed that this would be the real thing.
25 years later, Downtown Dad and I are still Rick-rolled. Crazy? Yep! Crazy in LOVE!